Rolling Girl
by RazberryPineapple
Summary: "Are you done yet?" he asks me. I pull my hand away and reply, "Not done yet. The future is still so far away from me. So I'll stop my breathing...for now," Sorry for the suckish summary. Rated T for emo-ness. R R plz! Oneshot based on the song.


~Rolling Girl~

I can't break out of this cycle

This never-ending cycle

_Rolling girl is always in a dream_

I just don't see why

Those people, so many people,

Try so hard

_that will never come true._

It's not like it matters

Or anything

Not like their lives

Will make a difference

_There's so much noise inside her little head._

All the chatter I hear in school

From the teachers

From the students

From the people who call themselves

"my friends"

_She scratches it all around, scratches it all around._

It washes over my head

Unheard

Unacknowledged

_"No problem," the words come out so lightly;_

Half of the time,

My head

Can't even process what they're

Saying

Half of the time,

My head

Can't even process

What

I'm

Saying

_did she lose the words she had to say?_

Stupid things

Little things

Small mistakes

Are exaggerated to an unbelievable amount

Of worry

_It's a mistake, what a mistake_

The teal strands of my hair

Were once black

Like everyone else's

But I wanted to stand out

To be different

To rebel

_If it ends up to be another puzzle_

When I roll down that

Steep

Steep hill

So much grass gets caught in those teal strands

It takes hours to brush out

And my scratched hands

Turn the handle of the brush bloodstained

_It rolls again!_

One boy,

Who calls himself "my friend"

Always looks worried

When I come to school with bandages

His expression

When he sees me those mornings

Mirrors the faces of my teachers

On those mornings

_One more time, one more time_

I guess I always act a certain way

On days that I go to the hill after school

Because that boy

Always will ask me

"Ro-ru notameni kyou iku kotoka?"

("Going for a roll today?")

And I respond,

"Watashi wa kyo mo korogari masu to,"

_"I will be rolling again today,"_

He always asks

Like he's worried

Like he cares

If I get cut

Or scraped

Or my teal hair is nearly torn from my head

By the force of the wind

As I roll

_and the girl says, the girl says,_

Sometimes, when I roll

I can hear all the things

I've said in the time that's passed

The words I haven't acknowledged

The words I've spoken

But never realized

_as she orchestrated the meaning in her spoken words!_

And sometimes

That boy

The one who calls himself

"my friend"

Will find me after I roll

And he'll take my hand

Gently

So gently

And ask me,

"Mou ikkai?"

"_Are you done yet?"_

And when he does,

I always have

And always will

Pull my hand away

And bow my head

Whispering,

"_Not done yet,"_

I can hardly stand it

When he's there after I roll

The way his eyebrows pull together

The way he looks at me

The way his skin gently brushes mine

It makes me so angry

When he looks at me

With pity in his brown eyes

Those brown eyes

So deep

And caring

Flecked with gold…

_"the future is still so far away from me"_

It's not like I like him or something

The only reason

My face gets red

When I'm around him

Or when I talk about him

Is because he knows my secret

My rolling secret

And that makes me angry

So angry

That I could choke myself

_"so I'll stop my breathing,"_

Who does he think he is, anyways?

He found out about my rolling

Because he followed me

The little stalker

Followed me to my rolling hill

And ran after me

When I started

Tumbling

Down

"_for now"_

When start falling

Tripping

Stumbling

Rolling

Down that steep, steep hill

The pain of the ground scraping my body

The pain of what people say about me

The pain of my thoughts

The pain of the way people look at me

The pain of the world

Becomes dulled, somehow

_Rolling girl has come to her end_

But then

When I reach the end

And the momentum stops pulling at my body

It all comes rushing back,

And I start to cry

Because I know I can't roll two days in a row

Because I know the pain

Of their hurtful words

Of my thoughts

Of their cruel eyes, piercing through my confidence

Of the world

Will always come back

In a never ending cycle

A cycle

I will never manage to break

_Beyond the color she can't reach_

The first day

The boy came running after me

The first day

Someone learned of my rolling

He saw me crying

And after a while

He began to cry, too

I felt the fury begin to build in my heart

The fury of hatred towards him

Hatred directed towards him because he **pitied** me

Pity

Is a thing for fools

Pity

Is a useless emotion

Because no one

Will ever

Understand

My

Pain

_Those overlapping voices in the air_

On those Rolling Days

When that boy finds me again

He talks to me

As I cry

He tells me stories

They're all pretty pointless

Always something to do with faraway lands and magic

Always something to do with things

That aren't even real

I told him once

"You should be a writer,

Because your stories

Are ever so thrilling,"

_She mixes them together, she mixes them all together_

I said it as a joke

But he looked at me

Blushed

And laughed nervously

Like a stricken lovebird

After I roll

That boy walks me home

And asks me what I liked about

That day's story

I can never sort out the characters

Because he has so many

That he makes up

Their names wash over my head

As salty tears sting at my cuts

As salty tears wash the dirt from my face

I can never sort out the stories

Because there's so many that he's told me after I roll

That he makes up

Their titles wash over my head

As my heart thumps hard with adrenalin

As my heart thumps hard with anticipation

_"No problem," the words come out so lightly;_

Sometimes, his stories have happy endings

But other times

They don't

There are so many stories he's told me

So many…

_she's lost the words she has to say_

Once, he offered me a bandage after I rolled

And he tried to tend to my cuts and scrapes

But I pushed him away and ran off

We didn't speak to each other for weeks

But then he came again

On a Rolling Day

He didn't offer me a bandage that time

I didn't push him away that time

I didn't run off

_"What should I do to make it right?"_

Sometimes, the reality of it all hits me hard

So hard,

That I stagger

And have to hold onto something to keep my balance

The reality

Of the mistakes

That the world has made

Of the mistakes

That I've made

_"No matter how many times the mistakes are made,"_

The mistakes

Repeat themselves

They cycle

Like a circle

Like a clock

A never-ending cycle

That I still try to break

_"the slope is tempting me to roll on it again"_

At the beginning

When I first started rolling

The Rolling Days were distant to each other

Far apart

But as I continue

As the hill becomes more and more comforting

The Rolling Days are becoming

Closer together

_One more time, one more time_

I tell myself

This will be the last time

As I stand on the top of my rolling hill today

This will be my last roll

But when the roll is over

After the ground has bruised my skin

After the ground has made scratches on my skin

After the ground has torn at my school uniform

After the ground has torn at my heart

I find that the pain is still rushing back

And I whisper in my head

"Mou ikkai…mou ikkai…"

"_One more time, one more time,"_

"Watashi…o douka korogashite to…"

_"Please let me roll again one more time"_

I don't know who I'm asking

To roll again

I don't know who I'm begging

To let me roll again

_and the girl says, the girl says_

I start to rock myself back and forth

Back

And forth

Whispering those words

With tears washing the dirt from my face

With tears stinging the cuts on my face

And then I hear the footfalls

Familiar footfalls

And I hear breathing

Labored breathing

The footfalls are behind me

Coming down the hill

Familiar…

_as she lays the meaning over her unspoken words_

That boy

He's found me again

On my Rolling Day

My face burns

Mirroring the angry flames in my heart

He comes to a halt

And kneels down beside me

"Mou ii kai?"

He asks me

Tenderly

_"Are you done yet?"_

He puts his hand on my shoulder

And I jerk away

Not accepting his pity

"Mou sukoshi,"

I mumble into my knees

"_Just a bit more,"_

I turn my eyes away from him

Not wanting to see the worry that I know

Will be in his eyes

"Mo sugu nanika mieru daro to"

"_You'll see something soon,"_

A sentence he won't understand

A sentence I don't understand

Until I feel hands

My hands

Tighten around

My own throat

"Iki o tomeru no,"

"_So I'll stop my breathing,"_

It's painful

The way my body

Struggles for oxygen

But my hands don't loosen

When my vision starts to blur

And turn dark at the edges

And even though my mouth is dry

And I'm gasping for air

As I squeeze the life out of myself

I somehow manage to finish

The thing I was trying

Tell that boy

"….Ima…."

"_for now."_

I close my eyes

And suddenly

I'm not struggling to breathe anymore

I've given up

I started to give up

On my first Rolling Day

But now,

I've given up

For good

I recall saying something earlier

What was it?

Was it "mou ikkai"?

"Mou ikkai…"

"_One more time, one more time,"_

I recall saying something

Today, at school

Responding to a question that boy had asked me

"Watashi wa kyo mo korogari masu to,"

"_I will be rolling again today,"_

Those two phrases

Those two short, short sentences

Circulate in my mind

Endlessly

As I am slowly choking

_and the girl says, the girl says,_

I can't tell

If I'm laughing out loud

Or if it's just in my head

But something is just so funny

Something I can't understand

Is completely hilarious

And I can't stop laughing

_as she plays the sound of laughter to her unspoken words!_

Suddenly

I can breathe again

The crushing, choking feeling

Around my throat

Is pulled away

And I suck in oxygen greedily

My lungs gasping with relief

And then

There are arms around me

Warm arms

Comforting arms

It's the boy

He's **hugging** me

People have hugged me before

My family

The people who call themselves "my friends,"

But never before

Has a hug

Felt this damn good

He's nearly squeezing me to death

Yet somehow

That makes it even better

"Mou ii kai?"

He whispers into my teal hair

"_Are you done?"_

I nod

I can't speak

My eyes are wide

And I can feel tears brimming

In the corners

"Mou ii you,"

"_That's enough now,"_

He tells me

Almost like he's talking to a child

And yet…

His voice is so soothing…

"Soro soro kimi mo tsukareta roune,"

"_You must have been sick and tired of this,"_

I nod

In agreement this time

My eyes are wide

I can't speak

"Iki o yameru no,"

He says

Stroking my teal hair

"_So don't breathe now,"_

It all comes rushing back

The things people have said to me

Words of friendship

Words of belonging

Words of kindness

The stories that boy told me

After I had rolled

I can finally remember them

And I also remember

A name

It takes me a second to realize

Whose name it is

The name is Hiro

The boy's name

And as I sit there

Wrapped in Hiro's warm embrace

I finally realize

That when my face turned red

When I was around him

Or when I spoke of him

It wasn't because I was angry that he knew

My rolling secret

I realize

That my heart burned not with flames

Of fury

Or hatred towards Hiro

They burned with love

I loved the boy

Who walked me home on my Rolling Days

And walked me home on my regular days

I loved the boy

Who told me stories of faraway lands and magic

After I had rolled

I loved the boy

Who held me in his arms

Without fear

Without repulsion

Without regret

With love

"Iki o yameru no,"

He says again

("So don't breathe,")

"Ima."

"_Right now."_

Well here it is! My first oneshot/poem thingee of the summer! I plan on posting one each month or so, so put me on author alert if you want s'more!

The Rolling Girl can have a lot of different interpretations, and this is the one I drew from it. Some ppl think its like she's having a rough relationship, or something, so that's why every day is rolling, like a cycle, and she still comes back with a smile, or something. Heh. I know the boy in the video doesn't have a name, but you know. Come on! He has to have a name!

This was kind of a weird experience for me, writing a oneshot that's so intense. I'm not a very serious person, I'm actually kind of a hyper and happy-go-lucky kind of girl, but I saw the video the other day, and just on a whim, pulled up Microsoft Word and started typing, with no real direction in mind. The video and the lyrics combined tell a sort of story, and I had to put it into words. He heh. You all must think I'm crazy. Writing about emo ppl is kinda fun!

When I started, I just had the English dialogue, but as I got into it, I was just like "screw it. I want Japanese!" I actually said that out loud, and my sister looked over at me like I was crazy. She does that a lot.

If you want to see the video, here ya go!

If you want super-duper-fantastical HD - www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=-kgsK1CNPWI&playnext_from=TL&videos=Bx_NkCIZ8t4

If you want accurate translations with Romaji lyrics too - www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=T8WCE00OuZo&feature=related

Well, that's all for now!

Peace, Love, and Rolling Girls,

Lily Grace, AKA RazberryPineapple


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